I was asked in my remote healing meditation to work on healing the mother/son relationship. I have been thinking a lot about the parenting issues I see most common in myself and socially, so I was not surprised when the message came through the ether to specifically focus on this relationship.
The mother is described by Yogi Bajan as the first teacher. She is the one who usually instills our core values. She is the one who teaches us all the basics of being human, how to eat, how to walk, talk, how to take a shit.
The necessity for healing come in both the guilt and perceived failure of the mother, as well as in the judgement of the son. The son views his mother as a kind of paragon, or archetype in a deep sense. For example, the son can't believe his mother isn't a virgin. Not literally, but this is the idea. The mother (any parent, really) cannot have flaws. This is the way our minds work until we truly grow up and actually mature.
Eventually, as we choose to grow up, we see our parents as humans who did the best they could. We recognize that the flaws they instilled in us, the child, simply became the platforms for our first success: to do better, to become more than what they offered or taught us to be.
As a parent, it can be extremely difficult to watch your child struggle and fail and the impetuous to "play hero" for the child can be overwhelming. But this type of parenting reinforces a victim mentality, where one expects to be rescued from the foibles of oneself or perceived "evils" of this world.
Why do our prayers sometimes go unanswered? Why does God allow horrible tragedy, why in almighty power, does God not "save" us, every time?
One of the most vital lessons in human life is self-reliance. It is from the seed of our own will and determination that we are ultimately capable of believing in a God that resides within, in a power inside that is greater than what we believed we contained.
When everyone is gone, and you're alone, do you lay down and wallow in self-pity and abandonment, or do you dig, all the way down, to that very first step you took as a baby, when you fell flat on your face and your mom cried in misery as you cried but she waited and let you pick yourself up because she knew that you could do it and her love for your success was greater than her own ego to be your savior.
This relationship relates to Mother Earth, and we, her children: are we honoring our mother? It relates to imbalanced romantic relationships which get caught up in trying to heal the "wounded boy" with the woman assuming a role akin to parent. Let us stop seeing the brokenness as pain and wounds, and honor the opening for light and love to enter all our relationships.
See it now as you look into the hearts of people all around you, into your own heart, and ask yourself where you stand in relation to your inner strength.
How you can spread this inner courage and strength around? How you can live it more fully for yourself, for everyone you love? Even if your parents didn't teach you this, you don't have to continue being a victim and waiting for a hero. Become your own hero, encourage others to do the same. When you leave the nest of comfort and security, soar like an eagle with confidence. Fly high as an example for others, that our pain and suffering is one more kind of experience, meant for us to grow and expand.
"Many speak of courage, speaking does not give it,
its in the face of death that we must live it...
Daughters of the Khalsa,
in your strength our future lies.
Give our children fearless minds,
to see the world, through the Guru’s eyes"
-Song of the Khalsa, Livtar Singh Khalsa